Clean Up On Aisle 7!
by amikaze
Summary: Here at HanMart, we guarantee Low Prices, Fresh Produce, Awesome Duds, Good Finds, and Wonderful Mishaps everyday !
1. Granting Permission to Orbit

_SO._ I strike again! :) hopefully with more love from my readers!

I guess you could say this is me being rebellious and attempting to be funny :P I needed a release from my new job, and perhaps the Dynasty Warriors crew can help me out here, haha! I am planning on fitting everyone in here, but i want everyone to have a fitting role, ya know?

But any ways, without further a-do, here's the first chaptah! :D

* * *

_Boop...boop...boop boop...boop_

"That's nine dollars even. Is that credit, debit, or cash?" The typically weary eyes held an irritated gaze on the customer who was taking their dear, sweet time on fishing out the credit card from their wallet.

_Sigh. I shouldnt even be here right now. I wish i wasnt even here right now.._

"Umm...either one, it doesnt matter."

_Yes, it does, dumbass._

The cashier's ponytail seemed to sigh with its wearer as the screen read 'PAYMENT TYPE MISMATCH'.

"I punched in debit, you must have selected credit. Which payment method do you want to use?" Aggravation was evident in the way every other word was articulated through gritted teeth.

"Oh, uh, lets go with debit, debit's fine."

After the customer's input on the mini touch screen, the cash register sprung open and was immediately closed with excessive force. Snatching the receipt out of the machine and thrusting it at the complaisant customer, the indolent cashier turned off the light above the register that indicated he was open and sat down under the register to hopefully snooze undetected.

[20 minutes later]

-Ksssht...Kssssht...PocketRocket7 awaiting dispatch from control, OVER-

...

-Ksssht Control do you read?!-

Obnoxious gnashing of food reverberated throughout the store via speaker system along with the fake astronaut transmissions.

=Ksssht Mission Control at station 2 reads=

=Kssssht Mission Control to PocketRocket7, granting permission to orbit, OVER=

-Ksssht PocketRocket7 to Mission Control, ejecting large cloud of nebula, requesting hyperspace penetration, OVER-

=Ksssht PocketRocket7 autocontrol terminated, you are cleared for hyperspace penetration, OVER=

_What the actual FUCK?!_

The shirking cashier clambered up to his register to admonish his idiotic co-workers, but first, he heard

"Ling Tong! Sleeping on the job again! My father will be very unhappy hearing about this again."

"What the-!? Sun Quan, did you not hear those-"

"That's Manager Quan to you, first of all. Secondly, before you try and place fault in something else, make sure you're in good standing yourself. I can't even leave the building without you slacking off! _*sigh*_ How come you can't be like those two! Alert, amiable, and actually doing their jobs!" Sun Quan's head gestured toward Register's 2 and 7, where Sun Ce and Gan Ning stood, pretending to tidy the space around them and feigning innocence.

"Be more like them?! They're idiots! and no one comes in after 8:00(pm) except for dumb highschool kids trying to buy alcohol! The only people here are those forced to come against their will because they need JOB!" Ling Tong exclaimed as an unexplainable tumbleweed blew by. "Tsk tsk tsk, you'll never get employee of the month with that attitude." Sun Quan chided as he shook his head. "Now stop being a lazy ass and get back to work!" Ling Tong threw his hands in the air with exasperation since the store really had no customers. So there was no work to be done.

Sun Quan was making his way to his office as Gan Ning and Sun Ce started their slow advancement to Ling Tong's register, as if they were in outer space.

-Ksssht Ding-a-Ling Tong at station 4, can you read? OVER-

-Ksssht PocketRocket7 approaching, OVER-

-Ksssht Mission Control, come in! Where's your position? OVER-

=Ksssht Mission Control is at the Milky Way, OVER=

Even though they weren't using the speaker system this time, the moist sounds of food being masticated could be heard - every chew, turn of the tongue, and swallow. Ling Tong turned languidly, knowing that if he put any more energy in his movements he would snap and possibly have a bloody mess to clean up. Which is work. Which is something he is not willing to do.

Over his right shoulder was Sun Ce, who was actually at a stand with Milky Way candy bars, smacking his mouth loudly with a cupped hand which only ampified the moist noises. Ling Tong glared through narrow slits while gritting his teeth. The captain of PocketRocket7 successfully made it to station 4 and made his presence known. Right in Ling Tong's ear of course.

-KSSSSSHT THE POCKETROCKET HAS LANDED! NOW READY FOR BOARDING AT-

"GUUAAAAAGHHHH! THA FUCK'S WRONG WITH YOUU?!" Gan Ning screamed as Ling Tong, who was caught off guard with the abupt anouncement, grabbed the ambiguous blue liquid (that is in every grocery store that one could visit) that is used to clean just about everything with and sprayed him right in the eyes. Ling Tong was kinda glad it was him and was kinda glad he did it, sooo an apology wasn't coming anytime soon.

"You yelled in my FUCKING EAR! The hell you think, dumbass!?"

Sun Ce, still in outer space and in the middle of a candy bar, saw the attack on PocketRocket7 and surmised it was the alien at station 4 and was NOT going to let the captain go down.

=Ksssssht! This is Mission Control! Initiating turbo booster jets! Commencing alien take down! Take this, alien scum!=

Sun Ce picked up the stand full of milky ways and charged Ling Tong.

"Eeeeyaaahh- whoops, i mean KSSssSSSht EEEeeeyaaaAaAaaahhhh!" Ling Tong tried to evade the attack but Gan Ning, writhing in agony on the floor, tripped him up and Ling Tong was caught in the full body and cardboard stand full of candy tackle. The stand exploded and Milky Ways rained down upon the three man heap. Gan Ning was still on the floor, Sun Ce was slung across a shelf of last minute grabs, and there stood Ling Tong; Sun Ce's back pinning him against the register and Gan Ning's sprawled position preventing his feet from giving in.

Manager Quan heard the commotion and was a bit grouchy having his sales debriefing with Produce Manager Tai interrupted.

"What's all the hulabaloo?!" There stood Ling Tong. Surrounded by a mess of candy bars. Hell, one of them looks half eaten! And here he is, on the clock, eating unpaid-for merchandise, and is slovenly stretched across the register! What nerve!

"Ling Tong! Office! NOW!" Sun Quan bellowed as he fumed back into the store's bowels.

* * *

Hahaha, personally, i think just making the noises is funny! XD

Well, lay it on me! Whatcha think? :) Once again, Reads and Reviews determines whether or not i continue!

ToT my last Dynasty Warriors story has approx. 100 views, yet only one review? I..i-im a little hurt guys..

But the world goes on lol

PLEASE. Feel free to drop some ideas or rant or rave or do whatever the hell you like.

I'll appreciate it. IMMENSELY.

:D


	2. Battle of the Beauties

Well, i did it guys :'D Chapter 2 is finally up! Thanks much for reading and reviewing! C':

I **soooo** would have posted sooner, but of course my internet was down so the only thing i could do was wither into a fetal position under my bed and sob uncontrollably until the love of my life came back. It was rough, but i weathered the storm and things are getting back to how it was. We're just taking it a little slower.

Slightly longer and maybe _funnier_, here's chapter two, folks! :)

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"Beautiful!"

"You put any cute kitten to shame!"

"Youre almost as gorgeous as me!...well, _not even close_, but you know what I mean!"

"I'm surprised we are not related with that kind of beauty!"

Here at Hanmart, everyone is beautiful. Especially if you stumble into the Make-up Department. Not so long ago, there were only shelves with cosmetics. But that changed when the idea of having 'self made' professionals was brought about. With these 'everyday folk' doing their make up instead of critical celebrity stylists, the customers will be more at ease and will more than likely return; whether if its to get more tips or just to get a free makeover. But of course, the big guys aren't really in control of the poor judgement the smaller guys have when it comes to hiring employees...

"Oh, that despicable commoner! Did she _really_ think she could have my flawless, porcelain skin?!"

"Hmmhm, maybe if she actually glued porcelain to that thing she called a face!"

"Byahahaha!"

"I wouldn't _dare_ step out the house if I had that unsightly blemish!"

"Did you see those eyes!? They were so big and her mouth jutted out like that of a shrimp! Maybe shes related to the one over there!"

Xiao Qiao could hear the obnoxious guffaws of Zhen Ji and Zhang He from their station. It was daily occurence with these two. Her and Da Qiao knew that they were either cackling about them or a customer.

_*sigh* What's it about this time!? Dont they ever close their mouths?! Oh wait! Maybe they're just looking past me! Did I miss something?_

"Hey sis, what I miss?! Did someone test the wet floors again? Heehee! They put a sign there for a reason~!"

Da Qiao exhaled deeply and shook her head. "Xiao, you were the last person to test the wet floors, with the sign being present.."

"Ooooh but it could've been lying...!" Xiao Qiao pulled a hurt puppy face and sat with her head in her hands.

"Oh looook! The shrimp must be hungry! Give it some space to filter feed! Hohohahahaha!"

"Ji, I don't think shrimp filter-OOMPFH!"

"Just shut up and laugh!"

"Bwahahahahaha!"

Zhang He and Zhen Ji laughed in unison as the terrible joke fell upon the two Qiao's ears.

"Ugh! I'm so sick of those two!" Xiao Qiao said as she stood up with balled fists. Da Qiao nodded in agreement and countered back.

"Hey Xiao, look! You think we should get help? Those two look like they're choking on all of that powder they have caked on their faces!"

"Are you sure, Da? I think it's that clumpy mascara getting into their small, not very pretty, icky, and _undefined _eyes and they're crying over how worthless they are!...and..**and how they could never be as talented as us**!"

As big of a mouthful that was, Zhen Ji only caught the major parts, or perhaps, the most significant parts of the insult.

"How dare you!? _Darling_, I use Cover Girl. This shit does **not** clump!"

"And we have-"

"And I have so much more talent than you two bumpkins combined!"

Zhang He couldn't really have an input, but he did make sure to roll his neck and snap his fingers in such a way that they formed a Z to give Zhen Ji some support.

Da Qiao scoffed. "Ha! That explains why you've had fewer customers than us, right? Me and Xiao could easily take you two hoochie mamas down! Heh, we could use the extra space, couldn't we Xiao?"

"Right!"

Zhang He, looking rather amused, announced, "Is that a challenge? Gahahahyahya fine!" With a flick of his pony tail and some switching of his behind, he made his way to the Qiao's station with Zhen Ji in tow and the two couples sized each other up.

_Up close and personal._

Zhen Ji stared Da Qiao down while Xiao Qiao held her own with Zhang He.

"Hey Zhen Ji, you have something on your face, oh wait! It must be the shit you eat along with the Cow Pee!" Da Qiao initiated the verbal altercation. Zhen Ji, utterly appalled that someone would insult her beauty mark, had her eyes and mouth wide with astonishment and was speechless. Zhang He was not going to let them sink just yet, he had to pull one for the team!

"Look Xiao Qiao! The wet floor sign is out again! Its time for to do another disgraceful _daahnce_, isn't it? Fufufufu!" Xiao Qiao was steaming in embarrassment and couldn't think of anything to retort back with. A venomous grin replaced the once gaping mouth of Zhen Ji as she began her 'turn'.

"You know, Da Qiao, i don't think you really have much room to talk.." Zhen Ji began to pace around Da Qiao, easily making her feel uneasy and a little on edge. While Zhen Ji was distracting Da Qiao with her movements, she was discreetly making her way closer to the Qiao's desk where there was still open product out.

"I can see every single pore on that hideous face you flaunt around with.."

Da Qiao, whose been following Zhen Ji's every move, is totally caught off guard with what happens next.

"But I can easily fix that for you!"

Zhen Ji snatches a tub full of powder and smashes it into Da Qiao's face, creating a huge and thick dust storm of foundation. Taking advantage of the obscure haze like cartoon characters, the four pounced on each other; there was hair yanking, hands and legs going in and out of the cloud, unintelligible insults, and stars and mini tornadoes wisping out every now and then.

The tan powder began to settle on five exhausted bodies as the fighting ceased. Someone's shoe found its way under a chair, while several hair clips were strewn all over the place. Amongst some broken nails and jewelry was a bottle of Pepsi, a king sized Snickers, and a sandwich that was beyond repair with its new dusted coloring.

With his legs entwined in the heap of devastated divas, an unlucky employee found himself awkwardly propped up against the make up station and a bit disoriented.

_This wasnt in the fucking job description, maaaan._

Being the only manager on duty and hearing yet another ruckus, Manager Sun Quan meandered through several departments until he reached the source of the disturbance. Manager Quan began shaking his head at the sight.

_This lazy ass baffoon strikes again! **AGAIN!**_

"Ling Tong! What the hell did you do to these ladies!.." A closer look at the heap revealed that one of them was too..big? Too muscular? Had a frikken' package? Manager Quan corrected himself. "..and gentlemen..What the hell did you do to these ladies and gentlemen?! You're always fucking shit up!...uh, I mean _(yet another correction)_ this place is a mess! I thought I sent you to lunch, not to start a fucking harem! My office! **NOW!**"

"Whoa whoa whoa **WHOA**! It's not what it looks like! At all! I-I had just grabbed lunch a-and I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and-"

**"NOOOOW!"**

Ling Tong made poor attempts at trying to free his legs as the bodies below him remained out cold.

* * *

Ummmm. **HM**. Honestly, I don't think i like this chapter as much as the first :X I mean, it was kinda hard thinking of mean things to say when i barely say anything nasty! Plus I think I might've made Da Qiao a bit meaner than what she could be...or something.

Also, it probably wasn't all that funny...or atleast not as funny as the first.

Iuno.

Ahh, well, I hope i can redeem myself with the next chapter. There's gonna be some Shu officers making an appearance, so if you like Shu and its officers...yay~! :)

So yes yes, please leave your input in the form of a review, _puhleeeeeeese_. Or a Pm. That's cool too :)

See you guys in the next chapter! :D _...hopefully.._

P.S. Do i type funny? i feel like some of my structuring can be a bit confusing. Please tell me if it bothers you, 'cause i think its bothering me and being bothered is not cool.


	3. Flower Power

Wooo, here i am, folks!~ ^.^ i deeply apologize for the long time it took me to update!

I seriously intended to update within the same week but of course _my_ supermarket adventures got in the way of doing so. Im not gonna blabber up here, so i'll meet you guys at the bottom. Now, without further ado, here's chapter three! ^v^

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Aesthetics is important for any company. While the front-end is always well kept in order to present the customers to a suitable and becoming atmosphere and the beauticians work their magic to make the customers look superb and pulchritudinous, the employees who are involved on landscaping would argue that the outdoors is where the true admiration is located.

It would be a crime to allow a customer to enter Hanmart without them smelling those lovely flowers. Sculpting trees and hedges into whatever passes through your mind at that very mind at that very moment shows that we, the employees of Hanmart, are not automatons with no creativity! Hell, we even put fences upside down and big ass rocks in the middle of the parking lot!

* * *

Lunchtime was nearing, and so was the lunchtime rush. Though there was much more work to be done, the three landscapers were just finishing the task at hand so when they commenced work after lunch, they wouldn't be completely off tempo. In between the sidewalk and the store itself was a long strip of nutrient rich, black earth. Though it was nowhere near completion, there were neat rows of tiger lilies, dragon flowers, tropical birds of paradise, and a colorful array of pansies, in that order, snaking its way around the building as fast as the gardener was planting.

A young woman who was walking towards the Hanmart doors with great haste passed the gardener as he was planting his final cluster of pansies before break.

_Gasp!_

_Is…is she really going to pass these gorgeous flowers by without a single whiff?! No, justice will prevail!_

As the oblivious lady was closing in on the doors, a friendly but startling shout halted her in her tracks.

"Hey ma'am! It would be a _crime_ for you to pass these wondrous flowers by without a sniff! Stop and smell the dragon flowers, will ya?"

Agitation was evident as she turned to look at the man on his knees and turned back around to quicken her pace so she could get some damn chicken for lunch like she had planned to.

_Outrageous! Unforgivable!_

"Bitch! The Last Stallion will deal with _YOU!_" Ma Chao roared as he waved his personalized gardening trowel threateningly at the lady as she entered the store.

_What nerve!_

Ma Chao brushed himself off as he stood to admire his work.

_Ahhh…I just gotta..gotta.._

He stoops back down to take a mighty whiff of the pansies.

_Yup, justice is serrrrved~_

Well, now that he's done for the moment, it's time for lunch. But first, he has to round up the other two to see how they're progress is coming along. Ma Chao steps off the sidewalk and crosses the street, making his way to the edge of the property. Along the way, some things seemed kinda..off.

_Aren't those stepping stones supposed to be in the grass? Heeeey, the fence isn't supposed to be contorted like that..WHAT THE HELL! Who the FUCK put mousetraps in the birdhouses!?_

Ma Chao hurried in a frenzy to find the person responsible for the horrid placement of the decorations and attempted mass massacre of sparrows and wrens alike. But first he was greeted with the sight of a tall bush. A tall bush in the shape of a unicorn, of course. The bushes that lined the perimeter of the property wasn't a neatly trimmed hedge with even spacing and tidy branches. Almost all of the bushes had a distinct shape of their own and odd positioning. The row of bushes he was looking at had at least seven bushes in their own unique form while the rest looked like normal bushes that needed a good trimming.

_I know which one did this. Where is he? That dufus!_

As he walked pass Pac man and Smeargle, he heard the faint sound of leaves and branches being butchered. Squidward and Ganondorf were the next figures as Ma Chao could hear the snipping much louder. Leaves were flying out as the mastermind behind the work was maniacally sculpting the seventh bush. The Ice King and Optimus Prime were ignored as Ma Chao stormed over to the seventh bush and smacked the sculptor upside his head.

"You dumbass! You're not supposed to do whatever the hell you like! You're supposed to prune and trim! You're going to get us FIRED!" Ma Chao was waving his fists in the air until his left fist hit part of the bush that was jutting out. His eyes widened in shock as he saw what his ardent cousin had made.

"Whaaaat? I'm a big boy~!" Ma Dai beamed as he was impressed with the sculpture he made of himself.

"CUT YOUR JUNK OFF! PEOPLE CAN'T SEE THAT! CHILDREN COME TO THIS STORE!"

"No, art is art and I think people should be a little more open minded," Ma Dai protested. "Besides, I think we should spice it up some, ya know? The same ol' same ol' gets boring! And who wouldn't want to see me naked! I don't even have to take my clothes off!"

Ma Chao just face palmed. "C'mooon! My idea would _ATTRACT_ kids! Those little boogers would _swarm_ to see The Ice King or Squidward! After I'm done with the maaaain masterpiece, I think I should probably make Bowser-"

FWEEEEEEEEEETttt…..

The shrill cry pierced the air. It took a moment for Ma Chao to realize what it was. Ma Dai was oblivious.

"Someone has squeaky brakes." Ma Dai stated. Ma Chao gave him a cold stare. "Those weren't brakes, Dai." "Then what?"

Ma Chao led the hedge clipper totin' Ma Dai over to one of the many birdhouses dangling from a tree.

_I was…I was too late! I'll catch this despicable criminal, and justice will be SERVED!_

"Are you sure he's not like, exercising? I mean, it looks like he's weight lifting to me. He just dropped the bar and his spotter just flew away."

Ma Dai was awarded another smack against the back of his head.

"Lunch….time."

A raspy voice came from behind the two cousins and there appeared the mastermind.

With two other mousetraps in hand that already had small birds pinned under the bar, Wei Yan collected his third and skulked over to a giant boulder in hopes of starting a fire.

"Yo man! There's already birds inside the store that's cooked! Not cool, man!" Ma Dai wailed

"Free…no pay."

Ma Chao didn't know whether to admonish his primitive co-worker and possibly be killed in a crude way for pissing him off or whether to get the proper authorities to justify this crime. This isn't the first time Wei Yan has done something as atrocious as this. And it's not the first time Ma Chao put the value of his life before a silly little tiff such as this.

*sigh* "Let's go, Dai, he already has _his_ lunch, so let's go get ours."

The two cousins traversed the lawn until they reached the parking lot. It was odd seeing the lot jam-packed as it was, even if it was the lunch hour. There was bumper to bumper traffic! Ma Chao was scanning the parking lot's borders to see how many cars were entering and exiting.

Then that's when the problem was spotted.

Instead of being placed in a grassy area to add a more natural look to the place, several giant boulders were placed in the most inopportune places. One was laying on its side, obstructing most of the middle lot, a second boulder looked as if it was shattered and covered a main drive way; forcing customers to cut through the parking lot to attempt to get to the exit. But a third boulder prevented that, as it stood erect blocking the exit.

"More…customers…more….money.."

Ma Dai and Ma Chao both jumped from being caught off guard by Wei Yan.

"Nooo, buddy, that's not how it works. Umm, if you put the boulders on the _land_ instead of the _road_, people would like it better and come back. You can't trap them here!" Ma Dai stated in a cajoling manner.

"I….see…"

The three squeezed between car bumpers and rolled over car hoods until they reached the front of Hanmart. Boy, what a big mess this was. The store would not be happy about this.

What appeared to be an attractive woman was standing in front of Ma Chao's flowers and instantly he was delighted.

"Liking what you see, ma-"

"FLOWERS NEED WATER AND THESE FLOWERS HAVE NONE!" Zhang He looked offended and stomped away with disgust. Ma Chao looked at his precious babies and they did look a little wilted.

"Me…help.."

"NOOOOO! I mean, no, that's not necessary, but thanks for the offer, Wei Yan. I'll tend to them after…after lunch." Ma Chao had a pained looked on his face; his little babies will be suffering while he stuffed his face with nourishment. They needed nourishment, too. Maybe more so than him. Life wasn't fair!

"Boulders….DIE.."

Wei Yan had his ways. And his ways weren't always good. And this instant would be the perfect example.

Wei Yan picked up a good-sized rock that required two hands to lift and made his way to the parking lot's exit. He proceeded to bash the boulder with the rock and after several blows, the boulder began to crumble away. The rock in his hand was vanishing as well, so another rock would be required to take the other one down. When the boulder was decimated, the remains were carelessly and dangerously tossed about, scattering across the sidewalk and into people's car windows. Ma Chao was about to run and stop him, but Ma Dai stretched his arm out and just shook his head. The damage was done and the damage that wasn't done will be done, so what would be the point?

The base of the previous boulder was the next rock to be used to destroy the next boulder. Wei Yan was now destroying the middle lot's boulder and huge rocks were denting nearby vehicles. Several alarms went off, but that did not deter Wei Yan from his mission. Just like the other boulder, Wei Yan flung its remains every which way and all the cars in that row looked the same. With no windshields, headlights, and heavily dented hoods, that is.

Since the third 'boulder' was pretty much pointy speed bumps, Wei Yan felt that his job was accomplished and followed the other two inside. His fire wasn't successful, so maybe he could find a way to torch his birdies for free. Or undetected.

* * *

_I can't do my job with idiots around me all the time. I can't go to the back room to enjoy my lunch. So getting out of the store completely is my only salvation._

With car keys in hand, the disgruntled employee was going out for lunch. Well, he was until he saw his beat up Volvo a bit more battered than usual. You know, with rocks and stuff all over it.

Dashing over to assess the damage, he lifted one of the bigger rocks of the car roof and looked in astonishment as to how all of this happened.

Unfortunately, Manager Sun Quan promised to keep him under close scrutiny and there wouldn't be a moment where he wasn't watching. But Manager Quan had to use the bathroom for 3 minutes, so he didn't see the pathetic-excuse-for-an-employee leave the store. Manager Quan emerged from the bathroom and went to the front end of the store where said employee should be.

"Huh. Okaay."

Doing a brief scan around the store, Manager Quan didn't spot what he was looking for until his eyes fell upon the doors of the store.

_His ass is mine._

Barging out the doors, Manager Quan made a quick assessment and that was it.

_There's rock all over my car. There's rock all over his car. He's holding a big rock. My car no longer has lights. His car is a piece of shit, don't care. My car is the sexiest corvette anyone will ever see. His face shows great pleasure, so much pleasure, his mouth is gaping with speechlessness. This is it. This is definitely it._

"You. You're my bitch. And you'll forever be my bitch until you pay off my car and pay for the powdered floor and destroyed merchandise and for JUST FUCKING EXISTING! YOU GOT IT, BITCH!?"

Ling Tong just stood there and looked forward with no expression. He began to say something that would hopefully help him out but immediately closed his mouth.

_Nope. Don't. Say. Anything. Everything you say can and will be used against you in order to make your life all the more miserable and meaningless._

Bereft of any emotion, Ling Tong calmly held the rock in front of him, laid his head on the hood of the car, and leveled the rock above his head.

Manager Quan darted over to the vehicles and stopped him immediately.

"Oh no you're not! You ain't getting outta this world without a little suffering, too, boy! You think you wanna die now, wait until I get started!"

And with that, Manager Sun Quan dragged a void Ling Tong into the building, already brimming with sadistic ideas for revenge.

* * *

This wasn't so bad, right? Hahaha, i think these three are hilarious, there just needed to be more reasons for Ma Chao to be pissed off :B

Uhh, i think i know what the next chapter could be about, but im not quite sure, haha~ **Ideas are always welcome and i will gladly use them.**

Hehehe, anyone notice the flowers? That was me trying to be clever :) ...i didn't succeed, did i?

Poor Ling Tong! 'o' Hahahaha, i just wanted to end the story with him one last time. I promise to think of something new next time, just so i wont bore you guys and so Ling Tong will live to see another day. Of course we'll see how Mr. Sun Quan plans to punish him, but probably not anytime soon ;)

TvT All of you that have even looked at this, **THANK YOU.** Those who have reviewed,** I LOVE YOU.** The darlings who have followed me and/or this story, **I WILL HAVE YOUR BABIES. AND NAME ONE CHUCK.** _Or something like that. _

The main point is, i totally appreciate the time you took to give me a chance and i am so grateful. I've...i've pleased you and that makes my heart smile :')

So if any of you would like to continue those wondrous deeds, please do so! :D Dont hesitate. If you want, i'll acknowledge you in the next author's note so everyone will know how cool and special you are :'D

Until next time, i am OUT!~


	4. I'm Sexy and I Know It

Sooo i am so totally sorry it took so long for me to post! I meant to update everything altogether, but that did not happen.

Before i start throwing out excuses, i would love to thank EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WHO HAVE STOPPED BY TO READ AND/OR REVIEW. Like, i don't think i can truly express how elated i am over that :') I've...i've finally pleased you. Yussss(':

Okay, so now to the excuses. I apologize immensely! This story wasn't even the original story, but i was able to go with the flow a bit better. I won't chew your ear off here, so i'll meet you at the bottom :D (ADD much?)

Now without further ado, here's your chapter 4~!

* * *

Customer support isn't always an easy job. Sometimes, customers are very irate and on edge and simply call to rant. A lot of times, they just call to see if they can get a product for free for the pettiest of defects. Then there are the idiots who never understand a damn thing even when it's explained in the simplest of terms to them. Of course, there's also the people who can make your day and are pretty easy to talk to without overcomplicating things.

But one of the loveliest perks this job gives is anonymity. The Customer Service kiosk is conveniently placed in the bowels of the store where seldom anyone goes. Every time someone calls and wants to cuss you out again, there's a good chance that the call will be redirected to another unfortunate soul. In addition to that, if you're lucky, you'll be asked if your refrigerator is on the run only like, 7 times maybe. Maybe.

* * *

_RRrrriiiing….RRrrriiiiing….RRrrrii-_

"Hellothankyouforcallingyourn eighborhoodHanMartthisisSale sAssociateXingCaihowmayihelp youtoday?" and the gnashing of gum could be heard following what sounded like an extremely long word rather than an actual sentence.

"Roses are red, violets are blue, even though you seem to block every new number I call you from and successfully filter every new email address I email you from and crudely dispose of each of the floral arrangements I send to you and eat all the candy without giving it another thought, you are still the greatest and I still like you. Love, er, Like, your true lo- uhm, the person you know you like but you're trying to resist..*ahem*…..I think this is the longest you've listened to me without hanging up on-" *click*

Ain't nobody got time for this shit today. Especially not Xing Cai.

Angry customers are one thing. Annoying dumb shits are another. But creepy stalkers who are crushing on you that seem to know when you're working, when you throw away shitty flowers, when you eat mysterious candy that shows up in your personal work space, and somehow find new ways to call and email you despite having being blocked is something different altogether.

"Oh, Xing Cai~ Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to have..lunch together…that's if you didn't have other plans, of course."

Dark eyes bore holes into the anxious young man as he was awaiting an answer. Xing Cai just continued to smack her gum as he shifted uncomfortably. She knew it probably took him at least 15 minutes to even muster up enough courage to walk up to her. And another ten to speak. And approximately five hours to decide whether or not to show up to work since he would be in the same proximity as her.

"Xing Cai! Xing Cai!" Xing Cai shifted her attention to the figure that was now beside the other guy and holding a cup of coffee for her to indulge in.

"Xing Cai! Xinnnnng, you look tired girl, got you some coffee to perk up with! Oh and I noticed lunch is in like, 15 minutes, maybe you wanna, I dunno, eat out with me? You wanna eat out with me?"

_Silence._

"…*ahem* Sorry for bothering you, uh, I'm…I'm going to get back to work." The dejected employee took his seat in the swivel chair beside Xing Cai and resumed his clerical duties at the Customer Service kiosk. The bandana that covered his forehead casted a dramatic shadow over his eyes as he hung his head in sadness.

"Mhmhmhm, I'll just sit this down for you~" and the other man sat on her left as he felt victorious on this round of getting closer to Xing Cai (or so he thought).

Xing Cai simply ignored the two. Its always been like this. If there aren't creepy stalkers trying to win her heart, it was these two idiots. And having their fathers being bros, she's had to grow up with them all her life. Now that she thinks about it, she'll probably die with them, too. Just thinking about it makes her shudder.

"XING CAI ARE YOU COLD? HERE, TAKE MY JACKET!"

"GUAN PIIING, SHE DOESN'T NEED A JACKET, DUMB ASS! SHE NEEDS A HUUUG!"

"BACK OFF LIU SHAN! YOU ARE SUCH A CREEP!"

"SHUT UP GUAN PING YOU'RE ADOPTED."

Xing Cai tunes them out as background noise and tends to paperwork. As she skims over some documents, a peculiar sheet of paper peeks out.

_Complaint…complaint…merchandise return…complaint…Baby You Light Up My World Like Nobo-_

This not being the first time someone has left shitty song lyrics in her personal area, Xing Cai stood up abruptly and began her march to the 'Outdoors' section. This is just the cherry on top of the very flammable sundae she was able to make thanks to the oversized teddy bear she received the other day, coffee-intolerant flowers, and someone's pathetic attempt at baking brownies.

Guan Ping and Liu Shan watched nervously as she set off to find the fire that would torch their gifts. As soon as she left their vision, the barrage of insults began to fly.

"One Direction? Really? You're making this way too easy, Little Bunny Foo Foo." Guan Ping knitted his hands behind his head as he swiveled around to smirk at Liu Shan.

"How's your tracfone collection coming along? Hihihi, have you ever thought that maybe the customers would like to buy them some time~?" Liu Shan countered, making a really good point.

"I'm surprised Google doesn't ban you from making so many damn email accounts! Xing Cai is going to get soo pissed when she finds out its you! And even more so when she finds out you were responsible for writing something as fucked up as you did.

"Pfft, you see how mad she got? 'Not nearly as pissed like the time you superimposed your head onto Zhao Yun's body and set it as her desktop background! Hihihihi~! What she really would have liked was this irresistible body, she tries so hard to contain herself~" Sincerely believing that, Liu Shan dipped a finger in the neglected, lukewarm cup of coffee and ran it across his tongue. He wore a bashful expression and trailed his finger from his mouth, down his chin, and across his chest.

"What the FUCK are you doing, man!?" Hissed Guan Ping in a rather loud whisper.

"Do it," Liu Shan muttered.

"What the FUCK do you mean by 'Do It'!?"

"Do IT!"

"Look man, we've known each other for a very long time but I'm not into THAT kind of friendsh-"

"No dumbass, 'do it' as in take a picture of me!" Liu Shan thought it was obvious as to what he was talking about, but anyone could easily get sucked into his sexiness. Anyone.

"WHAT!? Why would I want a picture of you?!"

"Hihihihi, who wouldn't! But it's not for you, it's for my wifey, I'll show you how to properly woo a woman~ Oohoo-hoohoo! Hoohoohoo~" Liu Shan was now doing a bit too much for a simple photo shoot, and even though it's not likely that anyone's paying attention to them, Guan Ping was getting a bit uncomfortable.

"Dude! What are you doing! Stop THAT!"

"You understand nothing about picture taking! You must become what you want to be! And that is SEXAY. I must become SEXAY~"

"No, you're just being creepy!"

"Hoohoohooo~! Just take the picture! I-I'm starting to come down to just being, just being sexy!"

"Eeeyah! Quit that!" To Guan Ping's dismay, his swatting hands weren't fast enough to keep Liu Shan's away from his nipples and all effort was futile.

And to both their dismay, the pungent fumes of a fire assaulted their noses. Except this time, it didn't smell like food or paper…it kinda smelled like…

"OH MY GOD LIU SHAN YOU'RE ON FIRE!"

"Hihihihihi, really? I was starting to come down, but that just goes to show I can work with any mood~ But I do feel a bit warm…"

"GAAAH! YOU DUMBFUCK YOU'RE IN FLAMES! THE WHOLE KIOSK IS IN FLAMES!"

"That smell is horrendous, is that little pyro boy using the microwave again? You know someone oughtta do- OH MY GOD GUAN PING YOUR HAIR!"

"WAAAAH!" Guan Ping grabbed the cup of coffee and doused his awesome hair with the beverage. The two scrambled about before they actually left the ring of fire. While chucking a fire extinguisher at the blaze didn't exactly help, letting the blaze burn so long that the sprinklers came on kinda did.

* * *

Whoever this creepy secret admirer was was going to get it. Sure, it might've been Liu Shan or Guan Ping, but if it was, she was never able to catch them in the act. So whoever it was had a hell of a price to pay. Assuming that her idiot co-workers had gone to lunch, she thought that maybe the creep would strike while everyone was away. So while browsing the wonderful array of hunting gear and weapons, the perfect bow presented itself along with some pretty nice arrows. Already equipped with a lighter, Xing Cai found camouflage print mesh and secured it around an arrow's tip.

_Let's see….go over two aisles…make a left…and then three shelves should be there…turn 40 degrees..and __**FIRE!**_

Hearing the shout of the perpetrator was oh! so satisfactory. Turning on her heels to go to lunch, Xing Cai makes no effort to cover her actions and tosses the bow onto the ground without a second thought.

And not a single fuck was given that day.

Except with this guy.

* * *

A rather miffed employee was on his way to the dumpster to dispose of the trash that has accumulated within his department. People just got on his nerves and if anyone said anything to him, he might just lose it. The ponytail he wore swayed with every step he took and right when he was about to exit the building, something caught his eye.

_**Outrageous.**_

Disregarding the other rubbish that lay beside it, the one of many dying bouquet of flowers was the only thing that mattered. One of them was at least salvageable. A receptacle bin is no place for this!

_**ALL FLOWERS NEED WATER AND THESE FLOWERS HAVE NONE!**_

Instantaneously, with the withered bouquet held high in the air, the sprinkler system surged on and drenched the store with the necessary water. Zhang He would die a happy man if it came down to it at that moment.

* * *

How'd it go? Kinda Aight? :)

My reviewers, my dear dear reviewers, I love you oh! so much. so much :') ya know what, i think im gonna start doing shoutouts. People must know how special you are and you shall be recognized!

I actually wrote that in a day and a half. The original story as supposed to be up like, weeks ago, but i had serious writers block and couldn't think of how to make it progress! So chapter 5 is already in the making and should be up in at least a week :)

Speaking of Chapter 5, does anyone wanna feed me some ideas? some requests? anything? huh?_ huh?_ ;D

*sigh* Liu Shannn. He just bothers me. I really don't like him. I'm not sure if its evident or not lol

If i was good at romance, i would totally write a story involving these three. Oh, the drama...

**Like always, i appreciate every single one of you who take the time to read my work. if you're reading this now, we're already friends. as soon as you read that first word, our friendship blossomed. yes, amazing, isn't it? :')**

**Please feel free to leave a review and i will most definitely acknowledge you in the next story :) Thanks bunches for stopping by and i hope you enjoyed your read! :D**

_Does anyone ever read my author notes? like, i would understand entirely since i kinda just drabble on..._


	5. Old Men Are Old

Hello hello and welcome to the fifth chapter, yo~! (please dont beat me, im trying here! :'l)

Ahhh yesssss, another chapter is done my good friends :D

i apologize for such the long wait :( It was cruel and unforgiving and i should be severely punished for such. I-if you want, i'll deprive myself of frosted pretzels, c-cause i really like those and that's been most of my past time :'( just eating sugar coated pretzels...

**Fire'CxO'Ice - **vxdndvjbdlfsihfogv BLARGH :D i am OH! so happy you enjoyed it like you have! :'D that seriously does a body good and makes me very happy! When im able to get even a chuckle out, that makes my heart smile~! Oh boy, but rolling on the floor, my heart's smile stretches to a grin SOO BIG that it rips it in half and dies :D but thats a good thing B) Oh yesss, i can attempt to make it happen! Hahaha, i have the perfect scenario for Gan Ning and Shang Xiang, i just gotta get the creative juices flowin' to make it work out! Hahaha, i hope you did well on your exams~! I hope i wasnt to big of a distraction :B

**AsteriaLumina** - *squee!* your wish has been granted! :D i apologize for the long long wait, so here i am to show for it~ I must say, i have finally been able to log on like i want and really and thoroughly enjoy your stories! Like a handful of others, i really do enjoy what youve written and its such an honor for you to like my stuff! YAY i hope this isnt too bad :X

**Guest** - Ohhh mann your in luck because this story JUST GOT CONTINUED ;D I'm glad you thought it was funny, i really try not to be the bore that i really am inside lol Bahaha, oh yeah, Lu Xun has a rep that keeps strong around there, whether he likes it or not! lol Whee! im glad you enjoyed that chapter, hopefully im able to bring you back for another read! :D

Okay, so while i was busy not doing what i was supposed to, i found one the funniest stories in the making and i strongly urge you to read it~! :D If you like this story, you will most definitely like** The Adventures of Zhong Hui and Dr. Pookie **by** AsteriaLumina :D**

So in the meantime, without further excuses, here's chapter five! :'D

I took Xody's recommendation of having Huang Zhong be a janitor~ I really hope i dont disappoint! .

* * *

Hanmart is somewhat of a big place. You have your Deli, the Checkout, the Electronics, Produce, Magazines and Books, Customer Service, Security, Home Improvement, and so many more departments. With so many places, you know there's going to be trashcans that need to be taken care of. Surfaces to be cleaned. Shelves to be dusted. Spills that will need mopping. And youngsters that will need to have a good tellin' to.

Moving at speeds of 1 yard per hour, the steadfast janitor was well on his way to men's restroom. There was apparently a mess in there, or at least there was an hour ago. You never know with these people; they say one thing and it's a completely different situation when you get there. Moseying on down the aisle with his yellow vinyl cleaning cart, the whatever-it-is that awaits him will be in his sights. Hopefully in the next 30 minutes 'cause this whole staying awake and being vigilant of your surroundings thing is kinda exhausting.

_Only took 17 minutes today. Feel the power and might of-_

"This must be a world record, huh old timer? I bet you're exhausted, make sure you take your medicine, you don't wanna push yourself to a heart attack."

"I have a pair of rubber gloves with your name on it, Xiahou Yuan! Keep it up and you'll find out how they're truly used!"

Xiahou Yuan grimaced and left that alone. Huang Zhong was never really good at insulting and didn't really realize that what he says sometimes didn't sound right.

"...Old man if you ever lay hands on me.." Xiahou Yuan retreated back into the section where the hunting equipment was located and kept a wary eye on the old man. Of all the shit that man says, that statement was the most disturbing. Huang Zhang took this as a victory, and sauntered into the men's bathroom.

The door's heavy thud reverberated throughout the room as it shut close. Something wasn't right.. Huang Zhong examined the room from the door before he proceeded any further.

The floor tiles were cemented together by the grime that took residence there since they were neglected to be taken care of by a certain janitor. Although it would take some elbow grease, you could draw a reflective smiley face in the mirror; but only if you were able to penetrate the toxic film that covered it. Even though a drain is a drain for a reason, an overly cautious Samaritan thought it could suck someone into the floor so it was plugged with some rough ass toilet paper. As a result, there was always a puddle near the center of the rest room.

_Okay….let's see here…._

_The fuzzy caterpillars are always welcome, but I'm not sure when they arrived in the first place.._

_No one appears to have messed with the mirror's dandy dust cover~! So nice of the folks' to keep it clean!_

_*phew!* the drain demon must be happy today; he hasn't tried to break out for years now! Hoho, Hanmart don't know what they have here; this calls for a cele-_

"_Haaaaalp…Haaaalp me, pleeeaze….."_

As quick as the hollow cry resonated throughout the room Huang Zhong had found himself in a stall with his trusty feather duster clenched tightly in his hands. Which took about maybe ten seconds. Minimum.

Feeling a bit safer, he takes time to catch his breath from the speedy dash and examines the stall chosen for shelter. Various numbers were scribbled on both sides of the grungy walls with some pictures to help illustrate what was being said. There was a picture of a poorly drawn stick figure with a ponytail that had smoky air wisps emanating from his body and had the caption _'Ding Dong Smells'_. A very curious looking pile of gum was nestled beside the toilet and it was decided that maybe the person couldn't find a better place to start their collection. The color was very off from the usual blue or pink or green, but perhaps it was just neglected for some time. Instead of having toilet paper, there was a small sticky note with _'Looks like your shit out of luck!'_ posted on the empty toilet paper canister.

After an intense silence and the commendable observation, it was decided that the coast was clear. Loosening the grip on his deadly feather duster, Huang Zhong cautiously stepped out of the bathroom stall. The room began to blur slightly and the next couple of seconds made it turn a bit faster. The already dingy lighting turned ominous with portentous shadows sprouting from the stalls all towards the ceiling. The toilet seats started to clamor and everything turned into a whir of turmoil. Saggy eyes darted to and fro with alarm and the old man took a step in front of him to steady himself from the craziness. With a splish of the puddle under his foot, it dawned on him.

_I came here to put more soap in the dispenser, Hohohoho~_

Noticing that the soap vial was empty of the pungent pink substance, he turned towards the door and-

"_Haaalp.."_

_FUCKING DRAIN DEMON I KNEW IT WAS YOU THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME DEVOURING INNOCENT SOULS YOU EVIL MONSTER TAKE THIS! AHHHHH!_

began stomping the grated floor covering senselessly as water splashed all over the place, coloring the dirty browned walls with a new shade of brown. Despite being old and hella senile, the janitor's inner strength was evident as the drain's cover was destroyed and metal could be heard clanking down the pipes.

Trying to catch his breath after the sudden attack, Huang Zhong rested a hand against the wall and reveled in another triumph. With victory washing all over his ego, so was another feeling.

A feeling of warmth…

Yellowness…

Liquid…

It took only a moment for Huang Zhong to notice this feeling, for it was dripping all over him and it had completely soaked his upper body with all of his victory rinsed away. Slowly trailing his eyes to the source, he had discovered

_YOU FUCKING BEAST YOU DARE MOCK ME?! I KNOW YOUR INNER ORGANS ARE UP THERE! I THOUGHT I WAS DOING YOU A FAVOR BY BASHING IN THE FACE OF YOUR GULLET! OH BUT YOU DID IT NOW YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU USE YOUR VICTIM'S URINE ON ME!? GAAAAHHHH!_

another problem he neglected to fix and began to make it worse. One of the ceiling panels had an enormous bulge from where liquid had collected and seemed to get bigger with each jab Huang Zhong made at it.

"_OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!" _could be heard as the rectangular frame keeping the panel up was starting to give way. The muffled cries only encouraged Huang Zhong to keep stabbing at the merciful demon with a determined face of a true custodian warrior.

"_Oomfph, my thigh! Ow! OW! My stomach! Please, no more! OUCH!"_

"Do you reeeally beg for mercy after you've guzzled down all of those innocent people who just wanted to use the bathroom!? Do you reeeally believe that you could trick me into thinking all of your body parts are in one central location!? Fool! Your thigh is over at that urinal!"

And with a final thrust with the duster, the panel burst open with a huge splatter of yellow liquid falling down onto a falling body and another that was just knocked onto the floor. The first to stir among the two was a young man with a very long rat-ponytail. His clothes appeared to be that of a uniform, and plastered to his chest was a note. Huang Zhong came to and focused his hazy gaze onto the ceiling, the uniformed lad, the demolished drain, back to the ceiling, another once over to the drain, and finally settled his sights onto the young man.

"Sooo…you mean to tell me…."

"….uh….."

"That you were really…"

"Ah…! I can..i can explain this-"

A hand was shoved in front of the anxious young man to quiet anything that he might try to say to disprove Huang Zhong. Huang Zhong continued with terse articulation on every word he spoke.

"You mean to tellllll ME, that you were the Drain Demon all of this time, and when it came to your demise, you peed yourself out of fear and was reborn into a 'HELLO! MY NAME IS: SALES REPRESENTATIVE – JIANG WEI'?"

"No no! You have it all wrong! I was- I was stuffed up there by p-people! People who cant..be mentioned…" Jiang Wei's eyes darted about as if the assailants were to come out any second and re-stuff him back into the ceiling panels.

"Huh." Huang Zhong huffed with skepticism. "Well anyways, you've just made a mess in here that **I** have to clean up! Hurry along and I will spare you good beating with mah piece maker! Go on, skedaddle!"

Jiang Wei absconded with the overpowering stench of urine trailing behind him. The door swung close with a lot of force since the poor guy was really upset and embarrassed. Huang Zhong gathered himself up and stumbled outside of the bathroom to his cleaning cart. Beside the cart was the note that was attached to Jiang Wei's chest. Huang Zhong studied the paper as he put on his rubber gloves; preparing for a good ol' clean up.

* * *

He didn't see him enter, but he sure did see him leave! What happened to him that would make that young man so upset? He was bawling his eyes out and pissed himself BAD.

Oh? Whats that? He dropped something..

The Hanmart employee put down the bow he was in the middle of fixing and went over to the bathroom doors to investigate a grody piece of paper. He only stooped down to look at it since it really did look pretty nasty to handle.

_'You cant ever be like us so don't cramp our style, loser!_

_**Pretty Ponytail Pals**'_

It smelled pretty bad, but even though he wasn't moving, and the paper wasn't moving, the smell intensified by the second. As he stood from his observation, the sound of rubber gloves smacking against the skin was way too close for comfort and with what control he had left, Xiahou Yuan turned to look over his shoulder only to make eye contact with Huang Zhong.

* * *

Ahhh yeeeaaah so whats good? :D

I hope this makes up for my absence here :')

**Thank you so much for coming back to read this after SO long! I appreciate it immensely and it warms my heart to know that i can make others happy by doing what i like to do! for fun! **

I really will try to post new chapters regularly and keep things going!

Once more, i really really recommend reading **AsteriaLumina's The Adventures of Zhong Hui and Dr. Pookie!** :D i stumbled upon it when i was shirking my responsibilities and i thought it was hilarious! :D

I thankyouthankyouthankyou THANK YOU lovelies so much for reading! :D i will be back sooner than last time and hopefully its a good read! While i do that, there will be no frosted pretzels with cute multi-colored sprinkles in my diet :') I...I will SURVIVE!


	6. Family Matters

Welcome welcome~! It's been a while, but i have finally updated, haha!

**StupidRiddler** - Ohhh dont even worry about it! As long as i make ya happy with a good read, that's all i really care about! I still appreciate you stopping by! :D Even if you don't leave a review, i still hope you enjoy this and have a good laugh! :)

**AsteriaLumina** - Oh gosh, i could only imagine an incredibly senile Huang Zhong totally distorting things, haha! You are most definitely welcome, i really hope it got some recognition and some! :) Here's another update to respond to your request, haha!

**Sakura Lisette **- Oh, why thank you! :'D Hahaha, i'll see what i can do with your idea, hopefully i won't disappoint~! In the meantime, hopefully this will dooo!

**Fire'CxO'Ice** - Hahaha! Old men who are old tend to be so old they miss stuff because they are old. That totally didn't make sense, but thank you for reading it anyways, haha! :D I am so glad you did well on your exams! As a little reward, why don't you read this chapter, which happens to be your suggestion~! ;D P.S. that little end note was so cute! It made my heart smile! :')

**ArtisticIce** - Yay for making ya laugh! :D You know what? You do what you want. Don't let other people keep you from being you! When you wanna laugh, you laugh to your heart's content. When your mom be all like, 'Daughter, stop laughing, you're being weird', that's when you stand up, flip a table over, and yell 'No mom! This is who i am and i can laugh like a maniac when i wanna!'. Ahh yeah, i know what you mean :/ That's the sorta thing i'm trying to fix in my writing. When i have too many ideas, things get jumbled and dropped. I hope most of it is fixed in this chapter! :)

**ZebraNinjaCookies** - Oh wow, i thought people kinda skipped over that part and dived right into the story, haha! Why thank you, that's really nice to know! Haha, now i wont feel like im just talking to myself all the time! Ohh my, if you envision Sun Ce using Milky Ways instead of tonfas or Huang Zhong chasing his rival with rubber gloves, you _might_ be 50x awesomer. Haha, i'm glad you enjoy my story! Maybe this will do something for you as well~!

SOOOO this is from **Fire'CxO'Ice**'s request for a little Gan Ning and Shang Xiang. If any of you haven't figured it out by now, i suck at writing anything romantic, even the slightest. So i apologize before hand if this wasn't what you were expecting!

I've been having a bit of personal drama, so hopefully my sense of humor hasn't drained completely. Without further ado, here is chapter 6 for CUOA7!

* * *

Hanmart is the shittiest place to work at. The pay sucks, everyone is crazy, and most of the time, you can't even get a decent parking spot. All of the customers are morons, and depending which ones you brush up against, you might catch their stupidity. People might complain that their department is the toughest, or that they have a lot more to do than others. Cooking food and then eating it is not hard. Stocking shelves with fuzzy pillows and crappy TV dramas is not strenuous work. Putting smelly flowers into the ground and letting the acidic rain destroy them is pretty easy and anyone could do it. But being a cashier? Oh boy.

The past couple of weeks have been pretty tough for a certain cashier. With Front-End Manager Sun Quan breathing down his neck 24/7 now, life on Hanmart property was the worst. No longer having a car, unable to pass through certain areas of the store, and being someone's bitch is the cherry topper on any crappy sundae.

"Oi, Ling Tong, do you think it's possible for a woodchuck to chuck more wood if it already chucked the wood that it supposedly chucked all the way but wanted to chuck more because wood needs chucking and it likes challenging itself because it's a woodchuck?"

And the idiots labeled as 'co-workers' happen to be stale sprinkles that surrounds the cherry on top.

"Oiii Liiiing Toooong. This is a serious question!"

After clocking in, Ling Tong reluctantly made his way to a register; preferably one that not many people will go to and preferably one FAR AWAY from his fellow cashiers. He barely picked his feet up as he walked, and he blatantly ignored anyone who spoke to him. Specifically those who asked dumb questions.

"Heeey, Ling Tung made it in! How wus that four morle wark?"

Ling Tong continued to walk by the other idiot who had caramel and chocolate smeared all over their mouth as the Milky Way stand lay empty on the floor.

"Ey! Ting Long!"

Setting up at register six, Ling Tong checked the till to make sure he had enough change in each coin compartment and refilled the coupon and receipt paper. There was some sticky substance on the conveyor belt, but it was likely that a customer spilled soda or some other beverage on it. And since it was their mess, he wasn't obligated to clean it up.

"Long Ting!"

"That was the same as before but you switched his name around."

Averse to turning on the light, Ling Tong flopped his hand over to the switch and slowly eased it up. Stopping it right in the middle of the track, the bulb emitted a very dim glow.

"Noo, I only changed the two letters of his name the first time. The second time I changed the vowels."

Seeing as how the night shift never re-bag the holsters, Ling Tong replenished his supply and hung more plastic bags that were hidden in the mini cupboard under the register. Noting that there were paper bags down there as well, they magically disappeared to another register so there wouldn't be any other choice but plastic.

"Gnot Gnil."

"Lingy Tong."

"Ding dong the Ling Tong."

"Tong of the Ling."

"Linda."

Keeping himself busy was not enough to keep the sprinkles' idiocy at bay. Anytime he was involved with them, whether it be conversation or actual physical interaction, something was bound to happen. Usually bad things, but most of the time terrible things happened. Ling Tong supported his weight by leaning his elbow against the register and simply looked passed the other cashiers as they bickered over how to distort his name.

"Tongalina."

"Ooh ooh! Lady Ling of the terrible kitchen Tongs!"

"Oh wait wait, get this: How much Ling could a Ling Tong Ling if a Ling Tong could Ling Tong Ling? But suppose the Ling Tong wanted to Ling more Ling Tong but was told he couldn't Ling anymore because he accidentally Linged Tong instead of the whole Ling Tong and the Tong Tonged the Ling, making it incapable of Linging a simple Ling or a whole Ling Tong, so asking how much Ling could a Ling Tong Ling if a Ling Tong could Ling would be kinda pointless. HOWEVER, how much Ling-"

"GAN NING. SHUT UP!"

"Ling Tong! You're baaack!" Sun Ce and Gan Ning bellowed in unison as they jumped over the three registers keeping them away from Ling Tong. "Buddy, we missed you!"

"I'm not back to anything! Go away before that creeper manager pops out of nowhere and threatens me with something I didn't know was possible." Ling Tong grumbled as he looked around him to make sure the coast was clear. Gan Ning and Sun Ce simply looked at him vacantly as flared nostrils almost stabbed him in the neck from behind.

"Dude, what's up with these vents? Oh, lemme guess: Sun Quan is probably spraying some type of toxic gas to off me with. Probably his own fart. Ce, you live with him, I know you probably have to like, stop your room up to keep from smelling it." Ling Tong folded his arms and ranted further. Sun Ce, even though he didn't do a good job at doing so, tried to discreetly lick the candy bar remains from his mouth.

"I bet he wear leopard printed thongs. I KNOW you had to have come across a pair while doing laundry!" Ling Tong laughed. Gan Ning looked as if he was content just standing there.

"Hi, Sun Quan." Gan Ning began to beam.

Sun Quan continued to glare at the back of Ling Tong's head instead of acknowledging Gan Ning's greeting. "Sun Ce, there's a lot of carts outside that need to be brought in. Gan Ning, go…do something. I need to have a word with Ling Tong alone."

Glad that his brother didn't notice the chocolate smear he didn't fully get, Sun Ce sauntered off towards the door to get some carts. Gan Ning shrugged his shoulders and made his way to register three. Manager Quan took their previous spot in front of the Ling Tong's register and slammed his fist down onto the belt. Besides talking about his flatulence and making fun of his *sure* choice of underwear, Ling Tong really had no idea what he did to make him mad already.

"As you already know, you currently have no life. But somehow, you continue to live. How that's possible, I don't know. Anyways, there's been some odd things happening lately. Odd things happening in my sister," Manager Quan lowered his voice and gained more bass as he spoke. "Just now, I saw a hickey on her neck and it's the same size of your pathetic chap lips and if I ever catch you going at her like a scrawny leech you are I swear I will kill you. My father will be notified and he will kill you again. Sun Ce will find out and kill you over and over and OVER again. Do you understand?"

By now, Ling Tong's uniform was scrunched up in the balled fists of Manager Quan and the closeness of their face was waaay too close for comfort. All of what was said came out in one, swift breath as Sun Quan continued threatening him. Even though he heard bits and pieces of what was being bellowed at him, his attention was fixed on the background activity.

Looking past the angry face of Manager Quan were two squirmy figures in the background. Past the next several registers was Gan Ning and Sun Shang Xiang making out and groping each other. There was no such thing as privacy as the two latched onto each other as if the world was going to end right then and there.

"I LOVE YOU GAN NING!"

"I LIKE YOU SHANG XIANG!"

"Hopefully my brothers and father won't find out about you. They'll literally strangle whoever touches me. Plus they think you're incompetent." Sun Shang Xiang stated matter-of-factly while Gan Ning held her in his arms dramatically.

"No, it's okay. They can find out about us because I know how to run unlike Ling Tong. Just blame everything on him. That way, we can always keep seeing each other in between our breaks and me doing what I do every day. Nothing." Gan Ning pulled her in close as he finished serenading her with assuring words. Firecrackers could be heard in the distance, magnifying the beauty of the moment. "You damn pyromaniac, stop setting shit on fire!" could be heard soon after as the firecrackers were extinguished with an audible sizzle.

Ling Tong focused his attention back to the spit collecting on his face as Sun Quan was finishing his rant. "You can try this the hard or the easy way. As the saying goes, ' you can run, but you can't hide', but we both know that's a lie since you can't run to save your life, and you're so awkwardly tall that anywhere you go you stick out like Ding Feng in the children's aisle." Manager Quan released Ling Tong gruffly. "Mark my words: You've been warned."

Right as Manager Quan turned to leave, Gan Ning released Sun Shang Xiang from his arms, smacking her butt as she left. "HEY! I don't need your attitude! Stop damaging my equipment and get with the program!" Sun Quan turned abruptly to face Ling Tong, obviously unable to properly locate sounds. Ling Tong threw his hand up and pointed at Gan Ning. "Wha- You-! You did not see that? You honestly did not see that? No, of course not, stupid question. I should know better by now."

"You're weird. Get back to work." Sun Quan dismissed Ling Tong's talk with himself and walked off. As he walked past Gan Ning, he congratulated him with a "Good job, keep up the good work. Teach that bum down there a thing or two."

"Sure thing, boss." Gan Ning yawned as he made his way back to Ling Tong's register. "Wonder what put him in such a good mood."

"You're the one making out with Shang Xiang! He thinks it's me!" Ling Tong exclaimed.

"Oh that's good, I thought he would've figured it by now." Gan Ning sighed. "Dude, you think Sun Quan is bad, try pissing Sun Ce off."

"Why would someone want to piss me off?" Sun Ce snatched a Snickers from a shelf as he approached the two. "There weren't a lot of carts out there, but boy am I hungry! Someone should tell the candy vendor to restock the shelves, all of the good stuff is gone."

"Err, yeah, they should really restock those shelves." Ling Tong nervously scratched the back of his head as he attempted to steer the conversation into a better topic.

"Yeah, maybe they should stock it with something that's 5' 8" with creamy, porcelain skin and nice a little zing to it."

"Hmm, that sounds sort of familiar.." Sun Ce pondered while stroking his goatee.

"Ahh, uhm, that's because he's talking about a gigantic Zero bar, Ce. With jalapenos." Ling Tong countered back hastily.

"Nah, man. This is the kind of treat you gotta bite back before it bites you," Gan Ning smirked.

"Whoa whoa, okay, um, that definitely should not be on shelves for consumption. I'm pretty sure the FDA wouldn't even approve it."

"Oh, but it exists! Its limited time only, though. And from what I know, there's only one of its kind. Actually, there's only one that's ever been made!"

"Dude, where can I find this candy bar? I would KILL to have something like that!" Sun Ce piped. "How do you guys know so much about it? Is there like, a candy convention around here or something?"

"Nope. Ce, I think you might actually know about it. You have to know about it if you work here at Hanmart! It's exclusively here at Hanmart, man." Gan Ning stated. "Does your dad have any idea or clues about it? I mean, DID your dad clue you in on anything?"

"Argh, no! I know I declined to be the next executive-to-be and what not, but maybe Sun Quan knows. If that's the case, how come he didn't tell meeee!" Sun Ce became a little upset that his family would keep him in the dark about company releases and secrets. Even though Sun Quan is the next in line to take their dad's seat after he retires, he should still be kept in the loop!

"Don't worry, Ce. Maybe the project flopped and they thought it wasn't all that big of a deal. All that I know is from pure speculation." Ling Tong was glad that this conversation was dying down. All of these allusions to Sun Ce's little sister was making him nervous and uncomfortable.

"_Sun Ce, you are needed in the back manager's office, please."_ A female voice rang over the intercom.

"*Gasp!* do you think they're calling me to tell me?! AWESOME!" Sun Ce was ecstatic as the thought was brought back to life. He swiftly made his way down several aisles and out of sight.

"That was too easy!" Sun Shang Xiang chimed as she popped into sight from around the corner. "Ning-Ning! I wrote this for you! I found the cutest stationary and thought of you and had to write all over it!" Gan Ning and Sun Shang Xiang embraced each other again as the fireworks ignited and the sprinkler system went off. It was only for a quick moment, and a lot of profanity could be heard shortly after as the pyromaniac struck again.

"Gan Niiing, read iiit!" Sun Shang Xiang pleaded.

"As soon as I leave for ONE second, this idiot finds something to mess up!" Sun Quan could be heard stomping his way to the front end with Sun Ce in tow.

"Quick! My brothers' are coming! Act normal!" The two broke apart and didn't exactly do a good job of acting normal. They pretended to bump into each and coincidentally, they both found their way to Gan Ning's register. Gan Ning tossed the letter and a small _tack_ sound could be heard as it landed onto Ling Tong's conveyor belt.

"Ling Tong! What nonsense did you spout off to my brother?! You know he believes anything!" Sun Quan stormed up to register six with a Sun Ce who was upset, but didn't know quite sure why he was upset.

"Is this candy bar thing some type of reference to a new drug? You better not be consuming any of that crap!" Sun Quan asked viciously while swinging his index finger. Ling Tong threw his hands up in defense. "No no, look! Gan Ning knows way mo-! LOOK! LOOK AT GAN NING! ASK HIM ABOUT THE WHOLE THING!"

It was seemingly impossible for Manager Quan to turn around JUST once to catch Gan Ning and Sun Shang Xiang in the act. Instead, he continued to waggle his finger in Ling Tong's face. "Do you need to take a drug test? You need to take a drug test. I knew that half-lidded gaze wasn't normal!"

"Wha-! No, that's just how I look! I was born like that!" Ling Tong yelled.

"Hey, what's this?" inquired Sun Ce as he idled by. He picked up the folded pink letter that was discarded onto the conveyor belt. Sun Quan swiped it from his hands and read it aloud:

'_I love you so much and we should go all the way tonight! I'm not sure if everyone can see that hickey or not, but now that there's more than one, it's kinda hard covering them all! I don't believe in having too many, though! I'll meet you in the break room during your lunch! Make sure Sun Ce or Sun Quan don't know about us. Or daddy. Especially not daddy._

_ Love, Xiang Xiang_

Sun Quan, Sun Ce, and Ling Tong stood there with their mouth gaping wide. The three of them exchanged glances and nothing was said for an awkward moment or two.

"I'm going to-…..I'm gonna…" Ling Tong started but knew it was useless.

"I AM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU UNTIL YOU CHOKE OUT YOUR LAST BREATH!" Sun Ce bellowed as he jumped over the register and lunged at Ling Tong's neck with hands in strangling position.

Manager Quan started rattling off a list of grievances and punishments, Gan Ning and Sun Shang Xiang were happily being an overly lovey-dovey couple, Ling Tong did exactly what he was told not to do – piss Sun Ce off, and fireworks danced around the entire store; magnifying the beauty of the situation and allowing a certain pyromaniac another victory.

* * *

Alright, so how did that go? It's been a while since i've been...'funny'.

I still have a bit to work on, and me not writing doesn't help, ha.

I don't have a whole lot to say, other than to thank you so much for stopping by to give this a read! I've had a 'chapter 4' of this half-written a couple chapters ago, so maybe after the next chapter i write, i'll FINALLY finish it!

I thank you all immensely for all that you do :) I honestly wouldn't be updating this if it weren't for you guys! So thank you for reading and dropping off reviews. It definitely makes me happy, y'all :'D

hopefully i'll see all of you guys in the next chapter~!


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